Breaking News: Girl Scouts to stop selling cookies

girl scoutsNEW YORK—During a press conference on Friday, Anna Maria Chavez, the CEO of the Girl Scouts of the USA made a surprising announcement that will rattle the foundation of American society.

Starting immediately, the Girl Scouts of the USA will cease production and sales of their iconic cookies.

Chavez said the product is “simply too dangerous” for children to be handling.

“Childhood obesity is becoming an increasingly grave problem in this country,” said Chavez. “We as an organization are trying to help teach and demonstrate good habits to our youth to enable them to become healthy and productive adults in society.”

Chavez said that the Girl Scouts will still get the benefit of developing professional skills as the organizations shifts to selling other products.

“We are currently working a deal with Cut-Co to sell knives door-to-door,” said Chavez.

When asked if knives might be too dangerous for young girls to be handling, she responded that “dealing with knives responsibly is a skill that every young woman should know.”

Chavez then slowly backed out of the room while waving a knife at the press.

Republican presidential candidate Ben Carson said he was pleased to hear about the Girl Scout’s new business model.

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