Amazon to kidnap Trump, launch him into space


Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos announced an exciting new Amazon Prime service this morning.

According to Bezos, the service, which offers the option to forgo free shipping to instead “violently kidnap and eject Donald Trump from Earth” has been one of Prime subscribers most requested features.

The Environmental Protection Agency said there was “serious concern” about the possibility of potential rocket firing mishap spreading toxic garbage, but that it was willing to turn a blind eye this once.

Trump quickly took to Twitter to announce that he didn’t need Amazon’s handout, and that he would be buying his own rocket to launch himself into space.

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