By Ryan S. Penname

Albany, GA— Terry Brockway, a biology teacher at the local high school, morphed into his final form in front of his 10th grade class during a heated debate this week. 

Many of the students are still dumbfounded by what they witnessed.

“We were just trying to show him that Earth is way younger than he said. It’s only 6,000 years or so, and he was saying way more,” exclaimed Rebecca Thomason.  

After interviewing with Stubhill News, she was promptly lifted into the sky by a winged-creature and dropped onto a church spire where she bled out like she was in a bad horror film. 

Stubhill managed to find a fringe scientist in town to help track Mr. Brockway to his cave deep beneath the lake in town where he explained what happened.

“These [expletive deleted] kids live in such a state of denial,” said Brockway. “So I evolved out of sheer [expletive deleted] will. It was raw, determined, and scientific transmissions of anger that evolved me. No one can deny what they have seen.”

A recent Limp Poll shows that Albany is still skeptical even about microevolution, with only 1% believing in its occurrence.