9/11 serves as a grim reminder for Alabamians

Millions of Alabamians convened this morning to share stories and tears in remembrance of a great loss.

Just twelve years ago today would have been the eighty-eighth birthday of Paul “Bear” Bryant, the late University of Alabama football coach and regional demigod.

Legions of Alabama football faithful were tightly huddled at Bryant-Denny stadium in Tuscaloosa, Ala. to mourn early Wednesday.

Standing in the shadow of a five-hundred-foot golden statue built in the likeness of Bryant, one fan opened up.


“What once was a great symbol now serves as a portrait of the past,” said Stephen Austin thoughtfully while shielding his eyes from the sunlight reflecting off the platinum-coated, houndstooth fedora adorning the statue. “We reflect on this imagery with great honor.”

The event ended with a speech given by Nick Saban, the current Alabama football coach.

“The only way to honor the memory of papa Bear is to continue mercilessly crushing the bones of our enemies,” said Saban while channeling an energy that brought to mind the fervent oration style of Adolph Hitler. “We must never tie, never falter, never fumble!”

The hordes of energized fans promptly left Tuscaloosa and went directly to Auburn, Ala., home of Alabama footballs heated rival, where they burned the city to the ground.

Alabama Governor Robert Bentley is expected to request federal aid for what will be the 49th consecutive year that Auburn has needed to be rebuilt.

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