Sanders relieved to not have to disappoint supporters

Bernie Sanders suspends campaign with an audible sigh of relief.

Republican candidates defend young sex workers from regulation

At a conference held by American Americans for a More American America, Republican presidential hopefuls discussed many topics, and didn’t shy away from discussing former Subway spokesman Jared Fogle’s recent troubles with the law. “Do we really need Barack Obama, and his liberal bureaucrats deciding at what age our girls are selling their vaginas at?”…

Donald Trump announces he was actually Andy Kaufman the whole time

WASHINGTON D.C.—This afternoon presidential hopeful Donald Trump announced he is actually Andy Kaufman before a sold-out crowd of paid supporters. Kaufman, the comedian and prolific prankster best known for his portrayal of Latka Gravas in the 70’s sitcom “Taxi,” was believed to have died in 1984. The announcement created political shock waves and ended years…