Subway’s Jared Fogle, suspected kingpin of international food porn ring, flees FBI

WARNING: This article contains graphic imagery.

Stubhill has obtained information from high-level sources that former Subway spokesman Jared Fogle is on the run from the FBI after the agency’s Food Porn Division (FPD) seized electronic equipment from Fogle in relation to 5-year-long investigation.

According to our sources, the FPD did not realize how close they had gotten to the source and allowed Fogle an opportunity to escape.

Cracking down on the food porn industry has been a goal for First Lady Michelle Obama as a part of her project to encourage healthy eating, a project which lead to the creation of the FPD.

“So far we’ve uncovered several petabytes worth of food porn,” said the anonymous source. “It’s not every day we run into a petaphile like this, at this point we are pretty sure he is the mastermind behind every single piece of food porn on the whole interwebs(sic).”

In a letter left by Fogle, he apologized for the shame and media scrutiny his family is bound to suffer, and blamed the constant pressure of always having to eat fresh on his involvement in the controversial food porn market.

“A man can only ingest so many fresh ingredients before he snaps,” said Fogle. “Only god knows what I would have done if I hadn’t had the outlet of food porn. My only regret is that I let what should have been a release control and consume me.”

According to Norma Chompsky, a professor of food psychology at Harvard, social pressure to maintain a “healthy diet” is what leads many to enter the dark world of food porn.

“Food porn is a rampant social ill that plagues the internet,” said Chompsky. “Instagram as well as nearly all social media feeds are routinely infiltrated by food porn content shared by teenagers and adults alike as if there is nothing to be ashamed of.”

Chompsky said content aggregator Reddit has become one of the internet’s worst offenders as it offers an unregulated “subreddit” dedicated solely to food porn.

A spokesman for Subway said “it is regrettable that anyone would give in to base desires for food that looks and tastes great.”

“I’ll never understand why freshness isn’t enough for some people,” said the spokesman.

An example of food porn from reddit.com/r/FoodPorn/

A disturbing example of food porn from reddit.com/r/FoodPorn/

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