Rick Santorum assaults allegedly gay Muslims to increase poll numbers
Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum assaulted two Muslim men in an attempt to increase his polling performance.
Trump’s poll numbers up on news that he shot somebody
Donald Trump shot somebody this morning after theorizing that he could do so without losing loyal supporters.
Furious Rand Paul channels founding fathers
A furious Rand Paul responded to removal from the prime-time Republican debate by channeling America’s founding fathers and ripping the media a new one.
Putin announces Republican presidential campaign
Responding to popularity among conservative pundits and on social media, Vladimir Putin announced he will run for the Republican presidential nomination.
Frantic, knife-waving Carson says he doesn’t want to have to hurt Trump
GOP candidate Ben Carson said he “didn’t want to have to hurt” Donald Trump, but that he might have to.
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