Accidental president and Vietnam draft dodger Donald Jumanji Trump has complained about how the U.S. needs to start winning wars.
“We never win, and we don’t fight to win,” Trump told the nation’s governors at a White House meeting. “We’ve either got to win, or don’t fight it at all.”
“When I was young, in high school and in college, everybody used to say we never lost a war. America never lost,” continued a classically self-unaware Trump. “Now, we never win a war.”
Trump took out his phone and began to tweet after being confronted by the last tatters of his ever-fading subconscious about the fact that he avoided the Vietnam draft.
“B4 the dishonest media begins… I misspoke! okay?” Trump live tweeted during the meeting. “I always 4get we lost Vietnam war because of how bigly we would have won if incompetent gov would have denied my deferment. Sad!”
At press time, the nation was facepalming.