BREAKING: Trump ends presidential campaign


Gage Skidmore/flickr

WASHINGTON D.C.—On the heels of weeks of unending bad press, former presumptive republican presidential nominee and comedian Donald J. Trump has officially ended his bid to become U.S. president.

The shocking announcement came during a press conference held at the capital Denny’s.

Trump spent much of the event distancing himself from his last six years of public statements, which he dismissed as “locker room talk.”

“I don’t know how anybody took this serious,” said Trump. “Just because I said I was running for president doesn’t mean I meant it. It’s Just Words, Folks, Just Words”

Trump went on to stress that he wasn’t quitting because he had never really ran for president.

“Most importantly, this means I did not lose to a woman,” added Trump before slicing daintily into a stack of flapjacks.

Republican leadership is currently struggling to find an equally deplorable but less creepy replacement.

Follow Stubhill News for all the newest news.Facebook Long IconTwitter Long IconTUMBLR Long IconPinterest Long Icon

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s