In a recent interview by Rolling Stone, Jesus Christ, known to many as the Messiah and most famously known as the founder of Christianity, went into never-before-heard personal details that biographers often struggled to find.
“Most writings don’t talk much about me childhood,” said Christ in his signature, thick Irish brogue. “I never really had a great Christmas growing up. Me birthday fell on the same day and me mum used Christmas wrapping paper for me birthday presents. Even worse was that most years me birthday presents was placed under the tree – it’s like me birthday didn’t even matter! All anyone ever cared about were bloody Christmas!”
Christ went further into details about growing up with a step-father in a highly traditional society.
“Joseph was a great guy. He tried really hard to be a father figure to me but also wanted to be me friend. He would teach me how to work with tools and then look the other way when I turned me water into Guinness. Not once did he tell me mum.”
Having his biological father involved in his life also made complications.
“At first it was awkward. Joseph knew I would always love me real dad, and father tried his best to make sure I respected me step-father as if he were me own. In the end they got along great and hung out every Sabbath. It meant a lot to me that they both wanted to be important figures in me life.”
Despite his extended and nontraditional family being close and supportive, he felt that some of his childhood experiences made him feel left out.
“I know I’m kinda fixed on this, but I will always feel me birthday isn’t important. We used to have huge Christmas parties and I would end up tending the guests. They’d make me turn more water into wine, take a small amount of bread and fish and make it so everyone can eat, and various other household tasks. Sometimes I’d even have to heal the sick just so they could come to the party.”
Jesus paused, sighed, and added “Did you know only one leper thanked me for healing him and didn’t even wish me a happy birthday?”
If you do run into Jesus Christ on Christmas Day, be sure to wish him a happy birthday.