California unveils “all-natural” lethal injection
State to provide inmates with healthy, balanced executions.
Newly orphaned 11-year-old Palestinian completely understands why his family had to die
Khalid Hadawi, an 11 year old whose apartment was destroyed by Israeli Defense Force munitions, said he completely understands why his whole family had to die and that the event will certainly not be the basis for severe emotional trauma or hatred for Israel. In a press release, a blood-and-tear-soaked Hadawi said: “Hey, how can I…
Massachusetts successfully defies God’s wrath for ten years
In what can only be described as divine aberration, Massachusetts is set to successfully defy the wrath of God for ten consecutive years. Saturday, May 17 will mark the 10-year anniversary of same-sex marriage in the state. Not only have all of God’s attempts to inflict moral retribution upon the state been viciously blocked by Boston…
Arizona Governor vetoes controversial anti-gay bill because it isn’t harsh enough
Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer vetoed the controversial anti-gay bill that would allow business owners to deny service to homosexuals. “This abhorrent, monstrosity of a bill doesn’t even come close to solving our state’s rampant homosexual epidemic,” said Brewer. For the last several years Arizona has consistently topped the list of the least safe states for…
Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas rules Democrats more racist than Republicans
In a landmark ruling today, Clarence Thomas decreed to the white, southern-conservative masses that they are better humans than northern liberals. Thomas, who grew up in Savannah, GA., set the record straight about what groups of people were to be harshly and collectively judged based off of his personal negative experiences. “The worst things that…
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