FOX announces competitive events for GOP debate

FOX News announced several competitions that would take place tonight during the first Republican presidential “debate.” According to the press release, the events were “carefully designed and selected to test the full range of the candidates’ abilities.” The events measure classic “debate” metrics such as the “argument decibel measurement” portion which measures the peak loudness…

Republican candidates defend young sex workers from regulation

At a conference held by American Americans for a More American America, Republican presidential hopefuls discussed many topics, and didn’t shy away from discussing former Subway spokesman Jared Fogle’s recent troubles with the law. “Do we really need Barack Obama, and his liberal bureaucrats deciding at what age our girls are selling their vaginas at?”…

Donald Trump: marines slain in Chattanooga shooting “not heroes”

In a press conference today, Donald Trump condemned Obama for ordering flags to half-mast adding that fallen soldiers are not heroes. “They are not heroes,” said Trump before immediately modifying his original remarks,”They’re heroes ’cause they were killed. I like people that weren’t killed, OK?” “Captain America, Batman, Superman, Spider-Man, Wolverine; these are real heroes, and…