California unveils “all-natural” lethal injection
State to provide inmates with healthy, balanced executions.
Missing Malaysian Airlines Flight 370 revealed to be viral marketing campaign for Lost reboot
The world was stunned today after it was revealed that the mysterious disappearance of Malaysian Airlines Flight 370 is really just a publicity stunt for the reboot of the hit ABC series Lost. Distraught families of the passengers were overjoyed to hear the news. In a group statement issued by the families they said the…
Arizona Governor vetoes controversial anti-gay bill because it isn’t harsh enough
Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer vetoed the controversial anti-gay bill that would allow business owners to deny service to homosexuals. “This abhorrent, monstrosity of a bill doesn’t even come close to solving our state’s rampant homosexual epidemic,” said Brewer. For the last several years Arizona has consistently topped the list of the least safe states for…
Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas rules Democrats more racist than Republicans
In a landmark ruling today, Clarence Thomas decreed to the white, southern-conservative masses that they are better humans than northern liberals. Thomas, who grew up in Savannah, GA., set the record straight about what groups of people were to be harshly and collectively judged based off of his personal negative experiences. “The worst things that…
After upset, the New England Patriots are the Super Bowl XLVIII Champs
Defying all odds, as well as the very rules of the game, Tom Brady led the New England Patriots to an unlikely victory over the Denver Broncos at the NFL Super Bowl. The Patriots, who were not even supposed to be in the Super Bowl following their loss to the Denver Broncos, unveiled that they…
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