Donald Trump has announced he now owns the distributions rights for the new Star Wars film.
Today it was announced that lyrics to “Hit The Road Jack” would replace the culturally-outdated poem “The New Colossus.”
Citing decades of mass shootings, the United Nations voted to halt the interstate travel of white American males today.
Alabama Governor Robert Bentley announced the state would refuse Syrian refugees due to safety concerns.
GOP candidate Ben Carson said he “didn’t want to have to hurt” Donald Trump, but that he might have to.