Obama orders flags at half-staff for forever

Obama makes decision in light of recent and looming tragedies.

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Ashley Madison hacker revealed to be a site user

The FBI raided the house of John N Fidelis this morning after investigation put him at the center of a hacking scandal involving Ashley Madison, a dating website for extra-marital affairs. A source close to the case said Fidelis has been cooperating with authorities since his arrest. “It seems that he actually has an account…

Congressional Republicans move to support prison rape jokes

Congressional Republicans submitted a bill to protect the right to make prison rape jokes. Submission of the Prison Rape Joke Preservation Act came Friday in response to a statement made earlier in the week by President Obama. While making a speech at the NAACP National Convention in Philadelphia on Tuesday, Obama made comments about prison reform…

NASA successfully destroys Pluto

In a press release today, NASA announced that broadcasts from the New Horizons spacecraft confirmed Pluto was successfully destroyed, marking the culmination of years of public and private planning. The New Horizons space probe, mantle drill and space ordinance delivery system was the result of coordination between NASA, British Petroleum, Lockheed Martin and Disney. “The…

Donald Trump announces he was actually Andy Kaufman the whole time

WASHINGTON D.C.—This afternoon presidential hopeful Donald Trump announced he is actually Andy Kaufman before a sold-out crowd of paid supporters. Kaufman, the comedian and prolific prankster best known for his portrayal of Latka Gravas in the 70’s sitcom “Taxi,” was believed to have died in 1984. The announcement created political shock waves and ended years…