Top military officials quietly announced plans today to eradicate Ebola through brute military force. According to the brief document released on the Joint Cheifs of Staff’s tumblrs, the first stage of the noncontroversial plan involves targeting hospitals in stricken regions, such as West Africa, Dallas and Boston. “This is entirely in our wheelhouse, as it…
State to provide inmates with healthy, balanced executions.
Pope Francis will become the first female pope following gender reassignment surgery scheduled for next week. The announcement came weeks after Pope Francine encouraged abortion and proclaimed that all atheists go to heaven. Critics have widely panned her announcement as a desperate attempt to modernize the church. “This is all just for attention, there’s no…
Gravity, the latest film from Alfonso Cuarón, set an October opening weekend record of 55.6 million last weekend. Which, if you ask this old film buff, is cryin’ shame. The film conveniently focuses on two astronauts, played by George Colony and Sandra Bullocks, adrift in space following the government shutdown. As if this government shilling…
A new study released today by some scientifical university types completely confirmed everything the nation thought about an issue. The nation learned of the study through a blog post which summarized the 37 page article, while adding an authoritative weight to the study which, if the nation had actually read the article, was obviously not…
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