Washington Redskins renamed “Noble Savages”

The Washington Redskins caved to social pressure today by abandoning the team’s proud, casually-racist heritage.

“Our new name seeks to abandon the controversy of our old name while highlighting the noble nature of our organization,” said Antone Deff, the team’s spokesman, while wearing a traditional Native American headdress with a very visible Spirit of Halloween tag.

A crowd of activists were moved by the thoughtful name change, as evidenced by their stunned silence.

According to sources at press time, president Donald Trump was preparing an official Tweet to address the new name was nearly offensive enough.

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