BAMA—Republican presidential nominee and former comedian Donald Trump has challenged the esteemed theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking to a duel.
The challenge was issued during an emergency NRA press conference held in response to Hawking’s recent statement labeling Trump a “demagogue.”
“This man is a loser,” said Trump. “He has accomplished so little in his life and he wants to criticize me and my success. I mean look at me people; I’m worth billions and billions. I challenge Mr. Hawking to a duel!”
The NRA told Stubhill that if Hawking accepts, the event will be televised and sponsored by the NRA, and fractions of cents on the dollar will go to veteran scholarships to Trump University.
A Stubhill reporter asked Trump if Hawking’s medical complications due to ALS would give him an unfair advantage in the duel.
“Mr Hawking has no advantage,” said Trump. “I was told he couldn’t speak and here he is saying words, terrible words— about me! He’s faking it, folks.”
Hawking was quick to accept the challenge.
“This fucker’s gonna die,” said Hawking. “I’m going to Aaron Burr his candy ass so hard.”
Update: since this story broke the Trump campaign has called off the duel with the following statement:
“The duel is being called off not because Mr. Trump is scared, but he feels it would be a waste of time dueling someone who is not Hillary Clinton. Emphasis on the not being scared part, he totally would have won.”