NEW YORK – Mayor Bill deBlasio signed a controversial new bill today that allows institutions to promote “separate but equal” segregation of restrooms.
“For too long we have had to share our restrooms with those who might make us uncomfortable,” said deBlahso. “There should be a bathroom for pooping, and bathroom for peeing. Nothing is worse than going pee while someone going poop makes the place smell bad and people feel weird hearing poop noises.”
Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders heavily criticized the new bill as depriving rights without due process of law.
“Being able to take a poop in public is a fundamental human right,” said Sanders. “If I am elected, it will be lawful for anyone to poop anywhere at anytime.”
Sanders added that dividing the working class is what the ruling class wants.
“Bathrooms have historically been the birthplace of revolution,” said Sanders. “This fact is not lost on the rich, who can already afford to not poop.”
Republican candidate Ted Cruz applauded the bill while noting that he didn’t understand why women’s bathrooms needed segregation as “girls don’t poop.”