The lead researcher of Harvard’s School of Questionable Research claims to have stumbled upon the cure for affluenza after funding to an unrelated project was cut.
“Just months after funding ended for my mouse propulsion studies, I began to realize a shift in my lifestyle and general outlook on life,” said Dr. Nathaniel Silverspoon. “Remarkably, I couldn’t afford to drive my Lexus let alone use it to cut people off in traffic. Simply put, I was cured.”
Silverspoon has created a medicine called Povcebo which he claims can “stimulate extreme poverty within patients.”
“By using an adjustable pricing model tethered to the income of the patient, we are confident we can bring victims of even the most chronic case of affluenza into the desirable broke AF range,” said Dr. Silverspoon.
For more details on what broke AF means, consult your physician or children.
Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders said Povcebo is just another attempt by big pharmaceutical companies to rip off consumers.
“Back in my day we had a natural cure for affluenza,” said Sanders. “It was called guillotines!”
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