House Republicans threaten to murder 232 puppies if Obamacare is not unfunded by midnight

In a final push to derail the Affordable Care Act, House Republicans simultaneously revealed puppies that each had smuggled into the house.

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After several minutes of ominous silence and menacing stares from Republican representatives, House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) confirmed that the puppies were a final attempt to force the Democrat’s into conceding defeat and averting a partial government shutdown.

“You guys are going to look pretty stupid if this night ends with not only a government shut down on your shoulders, but the blood of hundreds of puppies on your hands,” said Boehner. “Have you no shame?”

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